Joke Of The Day; TWO MEDICAL STUDENTS AND THE OLD MAN…..

Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.

One student said to his friend: “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that.”

The other student says: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki

Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart just as we learned in class.”

Since they couldn’t agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him:

“We’re medical students and couldn’t help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn’t agree on the syndrome you

might have. Could you tell us what it is?”

The old man said, “I’ll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think.”

The first student said, “I think its Peltry Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought……. But you are wrong.”

The other student said, “I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome.”

The old man said, “You thought……. But you are wrong.”

So they asked him, “Well, old timer, what do you have?”

 

 

The old man said, “I thought it was a Fart…….. …………. But I was wrong, too!”

Top 10 Things You Don`t Want to Hear During Surgery:

1. Things you don`t want to hear during surgery:

2. Better save that. We`ll need it for the autopsy.

3. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.”

4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what`s that? 6. Hand me that… uh… that uh… that thingy there.

7. Oh no! Where`s my Rolex.

8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

9. There go the lights again?

10. “Ya know, there`s big money in kidneys? and this guy`s got two of `em.”

Oh No… A Doctors Protest and Strike…..

doctors strike

Joke Of The Day: A Pain in the Mouth -

dentist

A pain in the mouth

Maurice wakes up with a terrible pain in his mouth and books an emergency appointment to see Adrian, his dentist.

When Maurice gets into the chair, Adrian checks his teeth and says, “You’ve got a badly decayed molar which really needs to be extracted right away. Are you OK with injections?” 

“No, I’m afraid of needles,” replies Maurice. 

“How about gas?” asks Adrian. 

“No, I’m allergic to gas. I come out in a terrible rash,” replies Maurice.

Adrian then says, “I have an idea. Wait here while I get something.”

When he returns, Adrian gives Maurice a glass of water and two blue pills.

“What kind of pills are these?” Maurice asks.

“They’re just ordinary Viagra pills,” replies Adrian.

“What? Will these deaden the pain?”

“No,” replies Adrian, “they won’t help your pain at all, but they will give you something to hold onto whilst I extract your tooth

Top 10 Things You Don`t Want to Hear During Surgery:

1. Things you don`t want to hear during surgery:

2. Better save that. We`ll need it for the autopsy.

3. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.”

4. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog!

5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what`s that? 6. Hand me that… uh… that uh… that thingy there.

7. Oh no! Where`s my Rolex.

8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

9. There go the lights again?

10. “Ya know, there`s big money in kidneys? and this guy`s got two of `em.”

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army…..

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Prostate Exam…Thai Style……

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service,

a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are

rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

“At this stage of the procedure it’s quite normal to get an erection” said the nurse.

“I haven’t got an erection” said the man.

“No, but I have” replied the nurse.

Health Warning About Drinking………..

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.

When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.

When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.


When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you.


Warn all your friends.

Warning; Scam against Older Men – In Australia……

Warning: Scam Against Older Men and this is  good

And a  lot of men would have been caught.

Women often receive  warnings about protecting themselves at shopping centres and in dark car parks etc.

This is the first warning I have seen for men.. I wanted to  pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it.

A ‘heads up’ for those  men who may be regular customers at Bunnings, Mitre 10, or even K-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.

Over the last month I  became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to  get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough  to think it couldn’t happen to you or your  friends. Here’s how the scam  works:

Two nice-looking,  university-aged girls will come over to your car or ute as you are  packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out  of their skimpy T-shirts. (It’s impossible not to look). When you thank  them and offer them a tip,they say ‘No’ but instead ask for a ride to McDonald’s.

You agree and they climb  into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing.

Then one of them  starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your  wallet.

I had my wallet stolen  March 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th.  Also April 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th,  and very likely again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to  be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.

K-Mart has wallets on  sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for 99c at the two dollar store and bought them out in three of their  stores.

Also, you never get to eat at McDonald’s. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and  forth from Bunnings, to Mitre 10, to K-Mart etc.

So please, send this on  to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in  the afternoon.)

Please take this seriously and pass  on.

Todays Joke…..Cardiologist’s Funeral

Cardiologist’s Funeral

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral attended by fellow physicians, family members, friends….

A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.

The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral ….I’m a gynecologist.”

That’s when the proctologist fainted.

Just A Quickie… A surgeon operating on a man accidentally cuts off the patient’s testicles

A surgeon operating on a man slips and accidentally cuts off the patient’s testicles.

He quickly inserts two onions and sews him back up.

One month later, the man goes back for a check-up.

“Any problems?” asks the surgeon.

“A few,” explains the man.

“I cry when I pee, my wife gets heartburn after sex and I get a hard-on when I see a cheese sandwich!”

Old Person Joke of the day…… Tender Moments – A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma

TENDER  MOMENTS

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma  for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. 

One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears:  ‘You know what? 

You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.  When my business failed, you were there.   

When I got shot, you were by my side.   

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.   

When my health started failing, you were  still by my side… You know what Martha? 

‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. 

 ‘I’m  beginning to think you’re f**king bad luck…’ 

TENDER MOMENTS; A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for…….

TENDER MOMENTS
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears: ‘You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side…

You know what Martha? ‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

‘I’m beginning to think you’re f**king bad luck…’

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