Today’s Quick Joke….MY EX-WIFE THE PILOT……

MY EX-WIFE THE PILOT

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call, that she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting. Seems she was forced to make an emergency landing at a major airport because of bad weather. Thank God the kids weren’t with her.

The preliminary report, cited  pilot error: She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating).

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

The photograph below was taken at the scene to show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was really lucky. 

An Easter Wish….. (Happy Easter Folks)

The 6 Dumbest Reactions To Titanic Being Back In Movie Theaters…

6. People who think Titanic 3D is a remake:

People who think Titanic 3D is a remake:

 

 

5. People who didn’t know Titanic was a real boat:

People who didn't know Titanic was a real boat:

 

 

 

4. This person who is proud that their great grandfather worked on the Titanic:

This person who is proud that their great grandfather worked on the Titanic:

3. People who think Rose and Jack were real people:

People who think Rose and Jack were real people:

 

 

 

 

2. People who think Titanic is a new movie:

People who think Titanic is a new movie:

This question was asked on Tumblr.

1. The one person who thinks Kate Winslet sang “My Heart Will Go On”:

A Special Deep Motivational Thought for a Long Weekend –

It’s a matter of Priorities……the baby comes second!

Real Men Advice; No 1 – It’s OK for a Man to cry ONLY Under the Following Circumstances:

It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss’s car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER—–HILARIOUS!………..

Please excuse the language, but we know what they mean !

Subject: ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER—–HILARIOUS!………..

This letter is a thing of great beauty (even if the language is a bit strong)…

You definitely feel the guy’s pain!

“Dear Sirs,

I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this. How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone
number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my Mother’s name is Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be
absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I die!

I apologise, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f**king address !

What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden?

I don’t want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you’d be the last fucking people I’d
want to tell!

Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30.

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day?

Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe makes sense. You’d rather have us running all over the f**kin’ place like chickens with our heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it’s really me on the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic fuckin’ morons) Hey, do you know why we
couldn’t smile if we wanted to? Because we’re totally pissed off!

Signed
An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in this
country since 1776 …….. I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. ……..

However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you know, someone like my doctor WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F**KING PAKISTAN !”

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